


In Fragments

by rabiosareads



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mutual Pining, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension, just... just plain sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24333055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabiosareads/pseuds/rabiosareads
Summary: in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,my love feeds on your love, beloved,and as long as you live it will be in your armswithout leaving mine.- if you forget me, pablo neruda(inspired by lovely by billie eilish & this time last year by rina sawayama)
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Original Female Character(s), Armitage Hux/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	In Fragments

And with that, Armitage Hux left the conference with a splitting headache and ego.

He looked down at his pristine uniform and adjusted his ranking badge, focusing on its angle. It needed to look perfect, it needed to be absolutely pristine.  _ For her.  _ Between Kylo Ren’s incessantly frigid quips and General Pryde’s obsession with maintaining control on the newly formed Starkiller base, his mind faltered between her and the actual task at hand. He kept his jaw tight with irritance, nodding occasionally at key phrases he deemed important to acknowledge, until the infamously hot headed leader poked into his head with a violent tug.

“Your mind seems to be somewhere else, General Hux.” Ren’s modulated voice crackled at his rising pesterence. 

“No sir,” Hux quipped. “You have my full attention.”

“Your mind says no otherwise.”

Hux closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. His teeth ached at the pressure, both from his physical reaction and Ren’s mental fingers weaving through his brain. He was doing this on purpose.  _ Childish _ , Hux wanted to hiss at his leader,  _ childish man who takes sick joy in my fragility.  _ Ren sensed this and tightened his grip. Hux kept his lips tight in a straight line, blood escaping from the pressure, however twitches his eyes shut slightly from weight. A glimpse of her lip, painted red and curled in a shy smile, flashed like a sweet beam from the sky. Then another, her bare shoulders taunt from his words, her eyes made of stardust, her throat glistening from the crack of thunder, his name rolling off her tongue with such opulence--

“Sir, if I may,” Pryde intervenes, his eyes almost rolling at their bickering. “We must begin preparation for our guests tonight.”

Ren said nothing but let go of his clutch on Hux, letting his body jerk back in his seat. No one dared to look at either party, in fear of any reparations. Part of Hux was grateful everyone pretended what just transpired never existed. Part of him also wanted a pair of eyes to even scan the cufflinks of his jacket so it can give him an excuse to release his frustration. Nonetheless he paid attention, laced his fingers and placed them underneath his nose.

Two stormtroopers exited the elevator, quickly murmuring their greetings to their General. As always he nodded curtly but this time it was met with lowered eyes. The white lights boiled against his headache, scorching hot and pulsating with a sick beat, a groan escaping his lips. As soon as the door closed he leaned against the wall and smoothed his slicked hair. His lower back and knees ached, slacking his lanky frame in the corner of the elevator. He wanted to shower, sink into the delicious heat, actually take longer and dedicated time for himself. No, for her. his dignity. For Maker’s sake he’s done it before, he’s even choked him in front of his colleagues 

In a way he was still grateful for Ren’s ability to, in a weird way, keep a secret. He knew he had the ability to absolutely ridicule him to shreds and leave him bare to pick up the pieces of what Kylo Ren deemed as insolence. But it had no comparison to what he had on his mind for the past few weeks. Kylo Ren’s power was spreading across the galaxy, much to Hux’s joy as a matter of fact, thus meaning that more and more systems were more than willing to comply. Power was an infectious feeling and the First Order was drunk with it. At one point he considered congratulating the damaged man for his ability but that would be just a bit too sweet for Hux, wouldn’t it?

It all meant the same to him, though. He felt as if it was inevitable for all these systems to falter under the grace of the First Order. He rolled his skull against the wall, finally loosening the pressure on his jaw. At least in between the elevator rides and his quarters he was free with his thoughts. As if he could forget the sinking swing of his heart when her name was mentioned, once so tooth achingly sweet on his tongue, now a bitter burning residue on the back of his teeth. He couldn’t recognize what he felt, a mixture of his common anger, confusion and longing. The mixture was teetering off the edge that he worked so hard to keep, checking in on the contents every once and awhile. He desperately clawed at it, trying so hard to not let it fall into open palms. But the memories flooded in and he was caught in her hurricane. Now he banged his head softly on the wall in an attempt to rattle the image out his ears.

She was simply there with her father for a congratulatory meeting.

One night, possibly two, and that was that. No more, no less.

The door hissed open and he left his thoughts of her behind. He glanced down at his data pad and sighed; he had at least an hour to prepare for the arrival. Not much time considering what he wanted to include in his routine but he shrugged it off, along with his coat. He opened his closet and scanned his not so various options of clothing. He had a quite elegant abalone dress shirt that he could pair with a charcoal blazer. Or maybe that would clash with his pitch black trousers he was planning on wearing, he could strictly stick with that and wear his First Order insignia sports coat he was gifted at the Gala a few years ago--

_ One night, possibly two. No more. No less. _

Time was nothing but slurred movements, so when he heard the knock at his door he was pushed back into reality. He cursed himself through gritted canines; he needed to be more focused. This was definitely not in his nature. He opened the door with his head erected at an oddly straight angle.

“The guests have arrived, General Hux.” the stormtrooper beckoned. Hux only nodded and the pair parted for his departure. 

His long dinner coat whipped down the hallway, his heels clicking along the polished onyx floor. He kept his hands folded to his back, counting each step with careful diligence, flexing the fingers beneath leather gloves. He carried himself with a power he never existed within him; something that couldn’t be as comparable to that of Kylo Ren however demanded just as much respect. Unlike Ren, he had a quick tongue that dripped with venom, striking any victim that challenged him. It was a comfortable position to be in. Surely it was better than what he faced at the hand of his father, his mighty strike as cold as ice and twice as sharp. He pushed that to the side as well, standing in front of the same elevator.

There were only a handful of times where Armitage Hux felt truly nervous. At most it was in his adolescence from the subject of childish gossip, trembling like a leaf at the thought that Brendol Hux’s bastard child was the subject of ridicule. At times it was during his time at the Imperial Academy, so eager to please, so determined to prove his worth to a galaxy that needed a clean slate. More often than not it was at the thought or presence of her. This time around his nerves settled in the acid of his stomach, swishing around with every powerfully intricate step. His body shrunk at the thought of her. Back to the eagerness, back to the desire to show himself off.  _ Look at me,  _ he screamed in his mind in the depth of night.  _ Look at me. Admire me. Love me.  _

It was odd how fixated he became with her. He tasted it on his tongue, so bitter yet so significantly sweet. He tasted her name, his lost words that he left behind the last time he said goodbye. He trained to go against the submissive nature of man, but how could he remember his intricate training when her hands, warm and fond, met his translucent skin from time to time, reminding him he was merely skin and bones. She was lightning that split the tree trunk, leaving behind scorched bark and black residue. 

“You need to loosen up,” she said as she fixed his Imperial lapel. “Your shoulders are so tense, Armitage.” 

The way his name sounded on her lips was calling him home, like cherubs singing from the sunrays, providing a piece of his soul that was missing: unfiltered, unconditional love. 

“I am not tense. I’m merely perfecting my posture.” 

She pursed her lips at his stoic face. He felt his neck heat up at the proximity of her hand to his jawline, fingers gently folding the crisp black collar. She looked up at him behind curled lashes and watched as his moss eyes darted to avoid contact. She smiled and placed one hand on his shoulder, gently allowing pressure to ease his collarbones forward.

“You don’t look as handsome when you pretend to be a droid. Ease up.”

He was letting himself slip.  _ Repress. Reject.  _

At the end of the hall stood Pryde and Ren, as well as three Stormtroopers. They were on their way to the hanger of the base and had no idea that Hux was struggling to keep up with them. With every step he sunk deeper into the floor, blending in with the shining onyx color, the only indication of his existence being his flaming hair. He swallowed his nerves back, the acid spilling in his throat, now standing next to Ren.

He had no idea why Ren would be there with him. Possibly to mock him? His presence wasn’t required or necessary. The line between reality and fantasy shifted as the revving engines of a ship cracked the still space. He looked ahead, past the ship, digging deep to regain that professionalism that seemed to dwindle at the sight of her. Pryde welcomed the guests first and if it wasn’t for the twinge of desire that sparked him at the sound of her name, he wouldn't have looked.

It was an immediate regretful decision. She was looking straight at him. Her stare was piteous and lingered along the strict features of his face, searching for that sparked that burned his belly. Something that would greet her with welcome arms. His brows furrowed at her frame, tightly covered with a black gown and hooded cape. Over her right breast was the First Order insignia and he relaxed the tension between his brows. 

She took a step forward and Hux swore the hanger doors sucked him into the empty vacuum of space. She was so cruel to him. She was absolutely torturous to his wracking heart. She still looked so beautiful, so ethereal basking in the artificial lights of the Starkiller base, and it was completely unfair. As if he could repress what he felt towards her, someone that offered him love with open palms, just to nip at her skin and turn her away like it didn’t matter. As if the kisses she laid across his somber skin wasn’t enough to make his bones ache with a wracking sadness that he could only imagine would kill a man if it had the chance.

He pulled his shoulders back when she extended her hand, palm opened and fingers tense. “It’s good to see you again, General Hux.”

_ General Hux.  _ He refused to say her name. “I’m glad to see your family has pledged to the First Order.”

“We felt as if it was the right thing to do in these circumstances. The fate of the galaxy is very important to us and we are very certain that Lord Ren is the answer.”

Her words were so painfully rehearsed it made him visibly wince. He hesitated to take her hand but Kylo Ren was watching, his mask hiding what could most likely be a sarcastic smirk. So he took it and almost whimpered at the familiar heat, gently squeezing it then hastily dropping his arm to the side. He begged for composure, to not seem so foolish from a mere touch, but she saw right past him. 

“General Hux, see to it that she is comfortable with her accommodations before we begin the festivities.” Ren spoke with a slur of amusement in his modulated voice. 

_ So I was right. He came to mock me.  _ “We can send CT-5589 and AK-3946 to make sure of that, that is not my responsibility--”

“That’s fine,” she quipped almost too eagerly. “That’s fine. I would like to catch up with Hux, if I may. If… If Hux wouldn’t mind indulging in conversation.”

Her mouth, painted in that familiar cherry tone, parted in anticipation. He studied her for a bit, noticing that skin lacked that plump dew that she was known for. She looked beyond exhausted, high cheekbones stained with her natural blush. If he thought about it any longer he would’ve pitied her. He nodded and took a curt turn, letting her catch up with him.

“Will you be treating me this way the entire time that I’m here?” her voice dropped to a whisper once a stormtrooper walked by. 

Hux curled his top lip. “I’m treating you no different than any other guest I would welcome on my ship.”

“At least allow your guest the satisfaction of looking at them in the eye. A guest, if I may recall…”

They turned a corner and Hux held his breath at the stilled silence. She held her hands in a nervous vice grip, waiting for a reaction, but of course he remained austere and militaristic. She lowered her hands in front of her, taking a few steps to him, shrinking beneath his narrow height. He looked down once more, holding a severe eye contact, matching her maroon ears at the intensity. He softened his features, letting his guard down with each melting second. Who was he kidding? He was sand in her hands, letting his vulnerability waterfall in between her fingertips.

“If you recall?” he challenged softly, flexing his hand into fists. She reached out, slow like molasses, taking a slow finger to circle a button on his coat.

“A guest that you have a certain… fondness for.”

He snorted. “Have. You mean had.”

“Oh Armitage you can be so cruel!” she groaned at his impossible sardonic tone. At this he snorted, his lip still curled up, watching her squirm at his stare. He fondly remembered when she would protest at his stare and he would genuinely laugh at the sight, mocking her immature reaction. It felt like deja-vu when she flicked the same button, fighting back a smirk.

“When father told me he was pledging to the First Order, I wasn’t surprised,” she flashed her eyes up to him, stepping closer. Hux stayed tense. “When he mentioned you would be present on the same ship as Kylo Ren I thought I would die then and there.”

“Why? Is it that impossible to imagine someone like me being this important?”

“You’ve always been important to me. I just didn’t think I would see you after all these years.”

The words rang in his ears like bells beckoning gods to come down from their homes. It was her catchphrase for him, no, her mantra for him. The last time she said it was when she rocked him in her arms, fingers intertwined between red locks, sighing into his scalp.

“Surely you must’ve considered the possibility that our paths would cross again once you’re associated with the First Order.” he said as a matter of factly. She shrugged in agreement.

“That’s true. It doesn’t make it easier.”

Her shoulders roll forward and down. She cocked her head to the side as if in thought but she continued to tug at her hands.

“I gifted you this jacket.” she giggled, rounding out the shape.

_ I am such a fool.  _ No wonder why he was drawn to it. His stomach bubbled at the sound of her words. “Yes. I do remember.”

“It makes you look very strict. Handsome. Yet strict.”

Now it was his turn to reach out and once his hand came into view she snapped her head back up. Her face was warped in pain, eyes stark with anguish that was held back by a weak dam. His face whined at the sight and he kept his hand out. At least allow him to indulge in the vulnerability, to release the stressing tension that strained his back for all these years.

“I didn’t want to come,” she began again. “I didn’t want to see you again. I wouldn’t see you again.”

“How do you mean?” he murmured, his hand now shaking. He cupped the bottom of hers and marveled at the way they dwarfed against his. 

“General Hux and Armitage are two different identities. The man that welcomed me was neither. The man in front of me is a remnant. I don’t know how to cope.”

Frankly, neither did he. He wanted to push her away and tell her to run the opposite way. To forget that this interaction ever happened, that Armitage Hux even existed in the first place. Or maybe he wanted to apologize for leading her to the position, for holding faith in a pariah, to kiss her knees and belly goodbye. He didn’t know. He would never know how to let go.

His eyes snapped away from hers. “To your right are your quarters. We will be holding dinner at 1800. We will send escorts to take you to the dining hall.”

He turned his hips to walk away yet his hands and feet stayed planted. She opened her hand and matched her palm with his, now the one to be trembling. She felt lost in his ways, forced out of his stubbornness once more. It stung more than any departure she could imagine because it was proving her theory to be true: He was a mere remnant of Armitage. A fragment of the man that bled, breathed, and slept in her sunshine.

He found strength in letting go, now allowing himself to drown out his name in her voice in the clicks of his heels. Her smell lingered on and it stuffed his lungs with thorns. He wondered how he would cope this time. Last time it wracked his bones in his flesh but this time around he was sure that he would vomit from the sheer thought of it. He saw Ren at the end of the hall and sped up his walk.  _ Repress. Reject.  _ He told himself with spite. 

Ren merely stared at him with a pathetic aura and Hux fell again from his false ego high. He hadn’t noticed that his face was damp and burning with pathetic dread. He will try harder next time.

**Author's Note:**

> I... I just feel so bad for Hux! I usually don't write about him but I do have a soft spot for the guy.  
> If there's any glaring mistakes, I apologize! I wrote this while running on a few hours of sleep haha.
> 
> Like always, love you for taking the time to read it!


End file.
